That person.

Have you ever listened to a song that made you cry? A song that made you remember somebody, a song that is in a language that you couldn't even understand? When I listened to it, I shut my eyes and with all my force, screamed as silently as I could. Even though I couldn't understand a single word of the lyrics, I knew that it was sad, and so I cried.

How could one person make you sad, happy, angry, and confused. And at the same time give you encouragement and discouragement? You give me motivation to move on. You make me not want to move on because I'm still in disbelief that you're not here. You put me in so much pain, and yet you're punishing me with all the happy times that we spent together.
When I needed to be serious today, I thought of you. I thought of you because I needed something to make me angry. And you were the first thing I thought of because, for some reason, you're still as important to me as you were before. You left, out of my life, out of it completely, but never have you left my head, or my heart. I think about you everyday, especially at night. On nights where I can't fall asleep, I think of us, of how we takes about our future, how we ended up at the spot where you told me that we would never end up. I told myself to give up on you a long time ago. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't, the more I try to push you out of my head, the more you seem to appear. The more it hurts me, so i'll stop pretending like I'm over it when I'm clearly not.

I miss you =/
I'm writing a retarded letter in this headache.

Ugh

Sick.
Again.
Throat is killing me.
All I want is for you to be here right now.

-on the phone-
: you get off at 9 tomorrow right? How far is the school?
: yup. Why?
: no reason.
: tell me
: because I just wanna know.
: promise?
: Thomas Jefferson? Oh okay.
......you little lying bitch.

Head is pounding. I feel a fever coming on.
PO

Late night missing.

Yeah...I kind of miss you.
Sighs...

Old friend, why are you so shy?

September 28, 2012

I feel guilty for getting everything I want recently. Well, almost everything...most of this guilty comes from not even knowing what I want. I want it at one point, but then I don't wait it right after I get it. But there's just one thing I've always wanted, but I know that no matter how much I pray for it, I'll never have it. "Don't forget me, I begged. I remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
I will never forget these words". It's these words that makes me never want to tell you how I feel

You're slacking in your texts, it makes me not wanna text you anymore...it takes like 4 hours for you to respond. I'm pretty sure your classes aren't 4-8 hours long nigga. You might read this someday, but for now, I don't know how I feel. I don't think I'm mad or anything, just a little disappointed. I thought that you would be there for me if I ever needed you, but I don't need comfort after a year..and if you never get to read this, I'll make sure that I mention this in your next letter. It's only been a month, what the fuck's gonna happen after 4 years?

Still can't let it go.

September 30, 2012

"When I look into your eyes, they twinkle" That's one of the most ridiculous things that you have ever said to me. Your promises are just as ridiculous, but the way that you told me and show me that you love me was just the funniest thing ever. I must be fucking stupid to believe all of this. Because I'm sitting here and random memories of us are just hitting me over and over again, day by day.

I never forgot one day. Not even one. Every month, I'll be on time. I make sure that you remember too, which you always already seem to do. How many times has he forgotten? I do the job so much better than he does. But why? Why is it him and not me?

Tumblr

I just signed onto your tumblr...I found out that you have another tumblr where you set a password for. I was curious so I removed the password just to see what you write in that tumblr. I risked it just to read 8 fucking posts. 8 fucking posts that talked about how you cried and shit. 8 fucking posts that just made me realize that you no longer think about me. Have fun crying about your life.